im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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