I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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