i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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