He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
