Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
