My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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