Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
