you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
