Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
