I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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