How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
