Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love having hate sex.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
