his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm both gender and math confused
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
