I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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