honey bunches of taint.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
