I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
