my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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