We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
