its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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