Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize