we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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