I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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