You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
