how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
