Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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