I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
