This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize