"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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