We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
