It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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