I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
