I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
