I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my poor anus
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
