I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize