don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
