textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
