if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
