At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
