I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
