I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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