I think im going to throw up on grandma
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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