I wanna bring you to show and tell
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
