come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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