Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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