My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
