I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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