you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
