He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
