And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
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It's official drugs can't kill me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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