if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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