Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
