I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
