shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
