my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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