Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
