You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
