Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
